These are facts about me, Terry Johnson. They are little known, rambling, uninspired, useless facts. I was going to call them FAQs, but really no one would ever ask me this stuff. So they’re more like RAQs, I guess. Yeah, that’s the ticket!
Try to stay conscious.
1. My favorite food is indeed cornbread & milk. Not cornbread …and milk. Cornbread & milk! You crumble up the cornbread into a glass of milk and eat it with a spoon. There’s nothing in this world I’d rather eat. Even apple pie. Although cornbread and peas are an incredible combination as well.
2. Beans are my nemesis. Peas are awesome. Beans are evil. Any kind of bean. Don’t want ’em in my chili or on my taco. And by peas I mean purple-hull peas, not those nasty green roundish things.
3. I own Ren & Stimpy’s first season. One of my all-time favorite sketches from this series is when Stimpy is playing Dr. Stupid and is asked what that white thing is in his can of beans. He responds, “The Queen Bean! And all the other beans are the worker beans!” Thank you, Dr. Stupid. The second season was terrible.
4. I’ve met Billy West. The entertainment committee at UCA invited him to give a speech on the ubiquity of humor across cultures one night while I was in school there. At least, that’s what he talked about regardless of what he was actually brought there to do. He showed a clip of Ren & Stimpy overdubbed in Japanese and it was just as funny without knowing any of the words. Really cool. Also, we got to hear him say, “No sir, I don’t like it.”
5. I own a DivX player. Actually, I own two! It works great for putting all my Stephen King movies on a single DVD and then just keeping up with that one disc instead of a collection. And if I miss 24 or House I just pull down a copy in xvid format, copy it to a flashdrive, and watch it through my player. I’ll be taking a player along to Nashville in a couple of weeks with my students, just in case someone has all five seasons of Futurama ripped down to 3 DVDs. (like I do!)
6. I close my eyes during really scary scenes. I love scary movies — at least the thoughtful kind. Hack and slash films don’t really keep me interested, but I love thrillers like What Lies Beneath, The Frighteners and 13 Ghosts. My favorite scary movie is possibly the remake of Stephen King’s The Shining with Steven Weber giving a knock-down performance. I hate the Kubric version, but with King writing the teleplay himself, this version gets time in my player every year. Still, when the kid walks into that bathroom and you know the crazyscary lady is behind that curtain… I haven’t actually ever seen that part. Brrrr!
7. I love the movie Hackers. Sure, why not? But I think Matthew Lillard has something to do with it. He really made his character believable, which is more than I can say for anyone else in that movie. Especially Angelina Jolie. But wow, was she ever teh hawt!
8. I do not think Angelina Jolie is hot. Yeah, I know what I just said… but I think that was the geek in me talking. She played a hacker in that movie and as every guy knows there’s nothing hotter than a girl who’s also a geek. After that she played normal roles and saw that I wasn’t really attracted to her at all. Maybe it was her ever-ballooning lips that turned me away.
9. I am a nerd, not a geek. But I was always a geek-wannabe. My parents took away my D&D dice when I was in my early teens because of some made-for-TV movie that showed some kids going schizo from playing it. My folks also thought Star Wars figurines were too pricey, especially when you could get some Space 1999 knock-offs for a lot less. (In retrospect, I really wish I had some of those old Space 1999 collectibles back, but my mom gave them all away.) No, I’m afraid I’m just a nerd. Doomed to be smart enough to calculate square roots in my head, but not cool enough to fit in with that hip role-playing crowd.
10. My middle name is Luther. I received a lot of flak for this back in high school. I put up with some kids calling me Luthor for years. They meant it mean and I bore their insults. Now that I’m much older I really wish I had just owned it. I think it would be cool to be known as the evil Luthor. Maybe they would’ve started calling me Lex. Now there’s a cool name! Not at all like that nerdy name, Clark. And then later in life instead of writing a blog spot about how the kids used to make fun of me and call me Luthor, I could have focused my persona into an insatiable drive to engineer a masterful plan of world domination and complete annihilation of my enemies thus fulfilling the role created by my tormentors’ branding in delicious irony! And then you would have no choice but to embrace your new balding overlord! Bwahahahaa! Except, of course, I was never quite that cool and my nerdiness actually self-branded me solidly as a Clark. Oh well. A man can dream. A man can dream…
Bonus Fact: My favorite song is One Country by Midnight Oil. It’s really close between that one and Don’t Dream It’s Over by Crowded House. There’s this fabulous line in One Country where Peter Garrett sings “Who laughs at their nagging doubts?” Funny story here. One night I was playing that album while working late and a coworker quite seriously asked, “Did he just say ‘Who laughs at their naked dance?” Ummm. Wow. But to this day I can’t hear that line without thinking about the line it could have been.
So there you have it. All the RACs I could string together for now. Next installment… Lex Sings The Best Of William Shatner! Stay tuned.